The Luxembourgish Guide to Kicking Money Talk to the Curb

Luxembourgish friends, our true wealth lies not in what's in our wallets but in our outlook on life. Cherish the simple joys, nourish your spirit, and the rest will follow. Here is a simple guide to stop talking about money: how to make it, spend it, have it...

Tip #1: Deflect, deflect, deflect!

When asked about the price of your fabulous new shoes/watch/house/llama, get creative. Respond with "You mean these old things?" or launch into a tangent about the 100% organic llama wool. If they persist, pretend to suddenly speak only in haikus to distract them. Wax poetic about the mountain mist and butterflies dancing around llamas, but make no mention of costs.

If pestered further, insist you must go gather herbs to make tea to cleanse your money-focused chi.

Tip #2: Salary in Money Talk?

If someone actually never heard about common etiquette and inquires about your salary or investments, give a modest chuckle and say "I make enough to enjoy life's simple pleasures." Segue into how a lovely picnic in the park is free and open to all.

If they persist, casually start singing showtunes whenever financial topics arise. Belt out a passionate rendition of "Money, Money, Money" from Mamma Mia while doing jazz hands.

Urge everyone to join in for an impromptu musical, then guide a into a discussion about the healing power of community theatre.

Tip #3: Luxury cars/boats/real estate?

Feign disinterest: "Never been one for material things, I'm afraid." Instead, chat about how you've rediscovered the lost art of whittling wood sculptures. Offer to lead a workshop on this lost art technique! He/she will be gone in a minute.

You can also pretend to get a phone call from your psychic money coach whenever cash comes up. Have animated one-sided chats where you thank "Magdalena" for her wisdom that you should burn sage, not bank statements, to attract prosperity. Assure everyone you feel lighter already.

Tip #4: Persistent finance chatter?

With your best pompous accent, proclaim "Wealth and riches bore me tremendously, darling." Recommend a documentary highlighting impoverished villagers who find joy in singing. Suggest a singalong.

Still not working?

Option 1: Carry around an empty bird cage to show you've metaphorically freed yourself from greed's grasp. When pressed about finances, tenderly pet the imaginary bird in your cage, smiling serenely about choosing to prize love over lucre. Nod wisely if they look confused.

Option 2: Halt all conversation and announce you're conducting a money talk detox for the next 24 hours. Hand out vows of silence and arrange trust falls. Channel your inner guru until the urge to discuss currency subsides. Namaste.

Remember

dear Luxembourgers, true prosperity lies not in stock options and offshore accounts, but in lifting each other up. Now go forth and seek meaningful connection! Just please don't ask how much my guru services cost.