Patience

Why Slow and Steady Wins the Race of Life

Imagine you’re a hungry 4-year-old sitting in a room with a marshmallow placed on a table. A researcher tells you if you can resist eating the marshmallow for 10 minutes, you’ll get a second sweet fluffy treat as a reward. Then, the researcher leaves you alone with just you...

In today’s on-demand world of same-day delivery, instant messaging, and impulse purchases, practicing the art of patience feels like mission impossible. But researchers have discovered delaying immediate gratification in pursuit of future rewards builds the skills and mindset needed to accomplish goals and live purposefully.

To illustrate why resisting temptation leads to lifelong success, let’s revisit a famous psychological experiment about kids and candy. Welcome to the wild world of marshmallow self-control!

Patience: The Marshmallow Test

Remember that marshmallow from the beginning of the story?

What does a 4-year-old you do? Succumb to the mouthwatering marshmallow immediately? Or summon superhuman effort to hold off for the double dessert payoff?

This scenario was the premise behind Stanford University’s innovative “Marshmallow Experiment” by Dr. Walter Mischel in the 1960s. The results revealed which youngsters could override immediate urges in order to gain bigger future rewards.

Turns out, only about 30% of 4-year-olds could delay gratification long enough to earn the second marshmallow. The rest gave into temptation almost instantly.

Why Marshmallows Predict Success in Life

This experiment offered profound insight into the war between our wants in the moment and willpower to work toward larger goals. It also shed light on who’s destined for success.

After the irresistible marshmallow challenge, researchers tracked the preschool participants into adolescence and adulthood. They discovered the children who delayed marshmallow gratification grew up to be more successful in various ways. Compared to the instant marshmallow eaters, the patient preschoolers tended to:

Score higher on SATs

Attain higher education levels

Have lower body mass index

Better handle stress

Pursue challenges instead of quitting easily

Essentially, the early ability to suppress urges and pursue greater gains manifested in bigger accomplishments throughout life.

Conversely, those with less self-control had fewer academic and career achievements, more troubled relationships, and higher rates of addiction. They prioritized instant enjoyment over their own wellbeing and goals.

Resist The Mallow

Passing the marshmallow test indicates someone can motivate themselves toward a future reward, even if it requires discomfort in the present moment. This ability to see the bigger picture and sacrifice short-term pleasure for long-term payoff is the foundation of success.

Here are 3 superpowers unlocked by delaying gratification:

• Impulse Control - Saying no to impulse urges prevents derailment and helps achieve aims. Turning down a wild night out keeps job performance intact. Hitting the gym rather than junk food supports health goals.
  

• Perseverance - Sticking with challenges builds mental grit to power through obstacles to success. Tenacity developed as a kid who waited for marshmallows manifests as an adult who sticks with passion projects until fruition.
  

• Prioritization - Delayed gratification reflects the ability to prioritize what’s most important. Choosing career development over leisure time produces greater career satisfaction later. Investing over spending grows financial stability.

The Patience to Build Intimacy

Delaying instant gratification enriches relationships. Simply put: if you can't resist a one-night-stand, you will have trouble finding depth in your intimate relationships.

Hollywood sells the myth of love at first sight. Two star-crossed lovers meet by chance, feel an electric spark, and begin a breathless romance. While exhilarating, these whirlwind passions often flame out quickly.

On the other hand, strong partnerships grow on a slow simmer, not unlike pasta sauce or sourdough bread. With patience and care, authentic intimacy unfurls over months and years of dedicated nurturing.

Those able to delay sex and avoid defining the relationship too soon enjoy the rewards of stable and lasting love.

They focus first on compatibility, emotional connection, and slowly merging two separate lives. Studies show couples who rush into intercourse and instant commitment experience less relationship satisfaction overall. Hasty physical intimacy clouds judgement, creating a false sense of closeness.

Deeper Connections: How Patience Strengthens Bonds

While wild passion offers a momentary thrill and a great after-party story, it rarely evolves into significant connection. True intimacy requires honesty, vulnerability and comfort being fully seen. This emerges only with time.

A 2019 study by Psychologist Dr. Dan O’Leary found that 97% of couples who waited to have sex until marriage described their relationship as happy or extremely happy a decade later. The slow build of friendship first cemented strong foundations. I am not advocating that you wait until marriage to have sex, but rather to wait until your partner and you build an emotional bond that will not be based on sex alone.

Without the dizzy effects of physical intimacy, individuals can assess compatibility free from rose-colored hormone infused glasses. They discuss ambitions, opinions on children, financial styles, boundaries and beyond to align on shared vision.

Patience also builds anticipation and excitement for physical affection within committed love. Couples engage in gradual escalating intimacy: hand holding, cuddling, a first kiss. Each step feels special, not casual. This creates true closeness both in and out of the bedroom.

How to Tame The Urges

Establish boundaries early - Communicate your desire to take things slowly and set physical pace expectations.

Limit alcohol on dates - Drinking lowers inhibitions which can accelerate intimacy at the cost of discernment.

Engage in group activities - Cultivate trust through fun partnered pursuits with friends that focus on quality time over romance.

Focus on compatibility first - Don’t let surface attraction cloud your judgement of values alignment, shared interests, and emotional connection.

Patience paves the road to healthy interdependence and long-term romantic contentment. But impatience leads to instability, heartbreak and fractured connections.

Whether you're naturally patient or still working on it, mastering self-control is a skill that can improve with practice. Just like learning to ride a bike or cook a favorite meal, it takes practice and dedication. It's a journey of growth, and every step counts.